After coming across a couple of articles covering Rudine Howard`s disease and watching the video in which Rudine`s heartbreaking story was covered by Oprah Winfrey I got deeply touched and I wanted to share this story with you.
Rudine Howard was a woman who faced anorexia and was struggling against this severe ailment, an eating disorder of excessive weight loss. She first faced anorexia at the age of fourteen and after years passing she was still suffering. She was a 25 years old woman when Oprah began following her in her life-threatening battle to survive. The year was 1989. Rudine was a living skeleton on, what she calls, God`s will. In an interview by Oprah she explained her disease with her fear of food. She was just looking at how many calories each meal or food she would eat contained. It was all somehow due to the diet she had once used to have. "Every time I see food I see only the calories written on it instead of what it looks like," said Rudine. She did not even perceived that she was that thin, Rudine was feeling like she was fat enough. She could not realize this mentally. That was the main problem. Even while looking at herself in the mirror she felt she was fat, but not as thin as weighing just 48 pounds. However, when she touched her arms and was trying to handle them, the only thing she could feel was just her bone.
A few months later Rudine was hospitalized, still fighting anorexia. She could not do anything for herself, she needed someone`s help. She knew that people around her could see how thin she was, whereas she was not even aware of it so that she could help herself somehow instead of just awaiting help. While some shows had been following her as a news history or the way to put an emphasis on what anorexia is, she was going to to die. That was what Oprah Winfrey had stated once.
The passing four months treatment had helped Rudine to gain additional 12 pounds. It meant she was getting better, however 60 pounds were not enough for an anorexic person to be considered to have recovered from anorexia. But when she was asked, "Do you still feel fat as 60 pounds?" her answer was, "Honestly, yes". That was really touching, what could she do if her brain just did not see that? So, she was just praying to God unconsciously to get better after gaining a little more. However, gaining those additional pounds was not that easy, because that was not what she wanted to do. She was just aware of that she had to do it, she needed it and that`s it. Actually, she was fighting inside of her very hard. She knew she had to gain more weight to survive. That was what helped her somehow.
After two years passed she got to worse from bad and she was then really trying to get better, to completely recover by gaining weight, but unfortunately this time her body would not handle it. She was crying and burst into sobbing while speaking... It was so hard to express emotions, however, she could give her message to those women who were young girls as she once was when starting diet: "Don`t do it... Believe me... I have been down to 45 and I have been in coma, and I barely made it... Don`t do it. Save yourself..."
Thus, a few months later there was progress with her body; she had gained 40 pounds in addition to 49 she had last. This was the most weight she had had ever since the age of 13. She was able to eat better.
This is life, sometimes makes you high smiling to you, sometimes lets you down, unfortunately. The second one then was what happened to Rudine; she suffered a relapse in 1994 and she was to lose the battle.
Once a celebrity (Tracey Gold) who had overcome her eating disorder came to Oprah`s show which Rudine was attending, too. Tracey was trying to encourage Rudine to handle her disease, to take control of her health, saying, "make the little steps to fill your mind so that you can fight back, when you don`t try you just cannot see it and it`s so hard. You can make your brain to start to feel the life again and, belive me, life is wonderful." Then there was a deep question emerging out from her pale face and sunken eyes, she was asking, "But how? How do you do it? I just cannot do it..." That was the most touching scene for me while watching the above mentioned video. I was profoundly moved down by that. You can feel her bitter hopelessness when she asks that question. It was so sad to see how she lost herself, her mind, her way, who she had used to be, eventually who she could be.
"After hearing her "how" I realized that we cannot just tell people what to do, but we have to offer the "how," said Oprah Winfrey. So did I myself. That was how Rudine`s "how" was powerful... so heartbreaking...
Rudine was no longer able to fight, so, she lost her battle in her hospital bed in the mourning morning in 1996. She tried, but she could not... The only thing she could leave behind was just her mournful story which, maybe, will help someone else facing the same problem somehow to stop suffering.
NOTE: I just can share the link to the video I mentioned about, as I referred to many written sources.
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOyqpKXJBXw&feature=player_embedded |
anyway thank you for sharing 
